Thanks to the professional photographer from Hong Kong and our beloved Eason who did the touch out. But, is there any relation between my topic today and this photo? Ya~ If you search inside this photo, surely you won't find me. You may say: "Ya of course, there were too many people and the photo is too small." If there is computer software that can magnifies this photo until you can see every face, even their pimples, still you can’t find me. Why I’m so sure? Because I hided myself. I remembered tears running in my eyes that time.
In the past 2 years’ 54christ conferences, I used to do something extraordinary when taking the photo in order to get attention of everyone, but exception for this year.
Many people asked me, “What happened to you?”, “Why you became so quiet?”. And I’m here to answer you, I don’t know. Since when I came back from National Service, EVERYTHING changed. I was totally lost. I was trying to cope with the flow of my family, church, friends and education, but I failed to do so. I lost the joy of serving and worshipping, even the joy of living. That was my deepest valley in my life. Everything seems wrong and was driving me crazy. My sheep all lost, no more song leading, no more dance, relationship problem, education problem, everyone was like didn’t know me anymore. I was left alone in the valley. Many times I felt like giving up, leaving the church and just let myself degenerate in this world. Many times I fell on my knees and broke into tears because of the struggle. A lot of questions why in my mind and I couldn’t figure it out.
Thank God. He will never leave me alone. He sent encourager to me, to cheer me up spiritually and physically. Special thanks to my cell group, my leader, Evan, my brothers, Eason, FeiYee, Edward, JianLiang, Victor and also my beloved sheep, Edric, Roland, Thomas and Johnson. They really encouraged me a lot indirectly. I was touched by His love again. Although those problems still exist, I’m different now as I have the strength to face them. I could never express how good He is and how great is His work in my life using my own words.
Yet, sometimes I will miss the past, especially my dancers: Eason, Vicky, Eugene, Jay, Joshua, Joey, Joey (the other one), Libing, Aaron, Sky, Phebe, Vivian, YanHao, JieYing, Lolz and many others. The time we practise together, choreograph performance together, pray together, seek God together, have devotion together, exercise together, shopping together, praise together, serve together, full of joy and sorrow, ups and downs, true and false, still we are together. We choreograph until late night together before. When one of us are praised, we rejoice together; when one of us faced problem, we pray and face together. It was just like a movie. These memories I can’t forget. But now, some of them are lost and some were sent to other places. Can we all unite someday? It’s a mystery. If this could happen, surely it’s a miracle.
Joshua and me were doing puppet posses~ Haha~ This photo very long ago one.
After performing for Christmas celebration, in fancy clothing.
Taking picture with brothers from sarawak. (They are cool~ Haha~)
Performing in 54christ conference. (see me? xD)
And me? Should I say I’m one of the lost ones or the ones who were sent to other places? Why I’m not in the dance ministry already? Many people ask me why, and say that they miss my dancing. I don’t know actually. It’s not I don’t want to, I would like to go back. I asked God many times, but He seems like keep silence. When the time is right, He will put me back. I may not understand now why He want to do so. I think it's time for me to learn how to hide myself, really humble myself. I successfully bring glory to myself, therefore now, I deserve this. I really learned a lot in this period of time. I learned how to lay down my life for Him, serve behind the cross, serve without people's attention. Let the others see Him but not me. (He must become greater; I must become less.-John 3:30)
This is what I always say: because now I'm still serving as a vocal, after serving, if anybody (except the PA man and musicians) tell me that they can't hear my voice, then that's it! As I know I already did my best to back-up the song leader. God knows~
Every time I walk by the hall which we used to practise inside, every time I hear the music coming out from the hall, I really feel like going in, but I force myself not to. I missed every single dancer, although we quarrelled due to different idea sometimes, but I will never forget our promises. Our dream to become a profession internationally, our aim to become the best among the best, our passion to win souls using dance. I will never forget, never~
Ow man~ I feel like crying if I continue some more. Before I end, I would like to say something to my dancers:
Guys, no matter what, I will never forget our dream. Even though I'm not with you guys, but my soul will. I will pray for you guys because I'm a praying dancer. Gambateh! Never give up! Dance for intergrity and purity!
I know my life is in God's hand. So, there is no need for me to worry. I truely believe everything is in God's will and His plan is always the best. Still I'm living a successful life even these things happened, because I love Him and He loves me. (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28)
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