His Promise (For My Education)

Today, I went to school and I received my report card. When I read through my report card, the result really amazed me! I can't believe that I got the first place in my class! I was like: "What? Am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me~" (...) "Ouch!" No, I'm not. At the beginning, I thought my classmate should be in the first place, and I should be in the third or forth place. And, I'm given the chance to go to the first class. I'm struggling with this matter now, because of my friends that had been spending time together with me all this while. But, it's out of topic, come back~ Haha...

It's a miracle, that I got the first place in my class. Why do I say so? It's a long story.
I know, some of you would say: "You are in the second class, not the first class. What's the big deal?" Ya, indeed it's not, but for me, it's big. If you really know me, you should know that I got a bit mental problem due to some reason when I was small. (Want to know? Treat me to dinner~ xD) So, this result is impossible for me to achieve.

Because of the National Service, I'm late for form 6. It's difficult to catch up every lesson that I had missed. I had gone through lots of hardships in the process of copping with the lesson in school. I couldn't understand what was the teacher talking about all the while because all those chapters were linked with previous chapter. And, I attended no tuition class, not even one. I felt like I was left behind, felt lost. I almost crazy.

I truely agree that studying in form 6 is not easy. Add on, the system changed by the government this year. We're like white mice used for experiment. It's suffering to study everyday from morning until 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Not enough time to finish homework. Not enough rest. It's not that I'm lazy to go for tuition, it's because I have no time. I'm serious, it's not an excuse.

Why? Everyday after school, other than bathing and having meal, I will spend my time to do my devotion. And then, I will do my follow-up as in call them using telephone, drive to bring them out for fellowship or even go to their house. Most of the time I was praying for them. I have no time for my own work. I'm not here to show off how holy and committed to God am I. As usual, I really struggled a lot in doing decision between God's work and my own business. I almost gave up because I had no time to study.

But, I hold on to His promises:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of the wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 9:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

Proverbs 3:5-10

But now the LORD declares: 'Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.'

1 Samuel 2:30

I know it's damn stupid and idiot holding on to these impossible promises, but I'm sure that my God is not the one died on the cross, He is the One resurrected and has conquered the grave. He is an ever living God! What He said does. His promises are my only hope that I rely on. I trust in His promises.

Other than this, many should know that I'm going to futher my studies in America. Many of my classmate ask me why I still want to waste my time in form 6. I tell you why. I study not for my own purpose, but God. God called me to go for form 6 and I'm there. I don't really understand His calling actually. I felt like giving up many times. I remembered I did a prayer like this: "Lord, I can't stand anymore. If this really your calling, bless me in my final examination. Or else, I'm out! I don't to waste my time in form 6."

He heard my every cry. He answered my every prayer. My main purpose here is to glorify His name. I did it, not by my strength, but by the power from above! He is the beginning of wisdom. He is faithful forever.

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."

Matthew 24:35

For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy, was not "Yes" and "No," but in him it has always been "Yes." For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 1:19-20

Whatever He said, He will never keep back.

I don't care how the others criticise about me. I will stand strong and firm for His cause. I'm not studying to enter a better university. I'm not studying to get a better job in future. I'm studying for His glory! I'm insane I know, and I'll always be. xD
Thank God! Love ya!

*His promise

The Question Mark in My Life (Dance Ministry)

Thanks to the professional photographer from Hong Kong and our beloved Eason who did the touch out. But, is there any relation between my topic today and this photo? Ya~ If you search inside this photo, surely you won't find me. You may say: "Ya of course, there were too many people and the photo is too small." If there is computer software that can magnifies this photo until you can see every face, even their pimples, still you can’t find me. Why I’m so sure? Because I hided myself. I remembered tears running in my eyes that time.

In the past 2 years’ 54christ conferences, I used to do something extraordinary when taking the photo in order to get attention of everyone, but exception for this year.

Many people asked me, “What happened to you?”, “Why you became so quiet?”. And I’m here to answer you, I don’t know. Since when I came back from National Service, EVERYTHING changed. I was totally lost. I was trying to cope with the flow of my family, church, friends and education, but I failed to do so. I lost the joy of serving and worshipping, even the joy of living. That was my deepest valley in my life. Everything seems wrong and was driving me crazy. My sheep all lost, no more song leading, no more dance, relationship problem, education problem, everyone was like didn’t know me anymore. I was left alone in the valley. Many times I felt like giving up, leaving the church and just let myself degenerate in this world. Many times I fell on my knees and broke into tears because of the struggle. A lot of questions why in my mind and I couldn’t figure it out.

Thank God. He will never leave me alone. He sent encourager to me, to cheer me up spiritually and physically. Special thanks to my cell group, my leader, Evan, my brothers, Eason, FeiYee, Edward, JianLiang, Victor and also my beloved sheep, Edric, Roland, Thomas and Johnson. They really encouraged me a lot indirectly. I was touched by His love again. Although those problems still exist, I’m different now as I have the strength to face them. I could never express how good He is and how great is His work in my life using my own words.

Yet, sometimes I will miss the past, especially my dancers: Eason, Vicky, Eugene, Jay, Joshua, Joey, Joey (the other one), Libing, Aaron, Sky, Phebe, Vivian, YanHao, JieYing, Lolz and many others. The time we practise together, choreograph performance together, pray together, seek God together, have devotion together, exercise together, shopping together, praise together, serve together, full of joy and sorrow, ups and downs, true and false, still we are together. We choreograph until late night together before. When one of us are praised, we rejoice together; when one of us faced problem, we pray and face together. It was just like a movie. These memories I can’t forget. But now, some of them are lost and some were sent to other places. Can we all unite someday? It’s a mystery. If this could happen, surely it’s a miracle.

Joshua and me were doing puppet posses~ Haha~ This photo very long ago one.


After performing for Christmas celebration, in fancy clothing.


Taking picture with brothers from sarawak. (They are cool~ Haha~)

Performing in 54christ conference. (see me? xD)

And me? Should I say I’m one of the lost ones or the ones who were sent to other places? Why I’m not in the dance ministry already? Many people ask me why, and say that they miss my dancing. I don’t know actually. It’s not I don’t want to, I would like to go back. I asked God many times, but He seems like keep silence. When the time is right, He will put me back. I may not understand now why He want to do so. I think it's time for me to learn how to hide myself, really humble myself. I successfully bring glory to myself, therefore now, I deserve this. I really learned a lot in this period of time. I learned how to lay down my life for Him, serve behind the cross, serve without people's attention. Let the others see Him but not me. (He must become greater; I must become less.-John 3:30)
This is what I always say: because now I'm still serving as a vocal, after serving, if anybody (except the PA man and musicians) tell me that they can't hear my voice, then that's it! As I know I already did my best to back-up the song leader. God knows~

Every time I walk by the hall which we used to practise inside, every time I hear the music coming out from the hall, I really feel like going in, but I force myself not to. I missed every single dancer, although we quarrelled due to different idea sometimes, but I will never forget our promises. Our dream to become a profession internationally, our aim to become the best among the best, our passion to win souls using dance. I will never forget, never~

Ow man~ I feel like crying if I continue some more. Before I end, I would like to say something to my dancers:
Guys, no matter what, I will never forget our dream. Even though I'm not with you guys, but my soul will. I will pray for you guys because I'm a praying dancer. Gambateh! Never give up! Dance for intergrity and purity!










I know my life is in God's hand. So, there is no need for me to worry. I truely believe everything is in God's will and His plan is always the best. Still I'm living a successful life even these things happened, because I love Him and He loves me. (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28)

Relationship (BGR) pt. 3

Here we go, final part. After saying about others and myself, I think it's time to talk about the truth of love. It's not my words, it's based on the words of God.

Don't tell me that you don't believe in God. If you believe in the existence of love, then you should believe in the existence of God, because love is the work of God and God is love. (Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.-1 John 4:8) Therefore, the topic, love cannot be discussed without God.

I strongly agree that teenagers shouldn't involve in any boy & girl relationship before 18 because they not mature enough to handle it. But why? Why today still got a lot of teenagers involve in it? Because they are lack of love, they don't understand the truth of love.


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (...) And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

-1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, 13

Nowadays, people misunderstood with love. They involved in relationship because they want to be loved. But it's wrong, totally wrong. Ya, indeed we are made to be loved, but the source of love is way off beam. The main and only source of love is from God above. We are made to be loved by Him. I'm one of the example. Nothing can satisfy our hearts, only God's love does. No matter how we search for love in this world. We did enjoyed in the process. But afterwards, it will all back to the same. Dissatisfaction and a hole that can never be filled in our heart.
That hole appeared when we are separated from God because of our sins. But this doesn't mean that He didn't love us anymore, just that we are separated. We still can restore the relationship between God and us. How? Jesus~ He already bears all our sins and died on the cross two thousand years ago. We should be the one who die because we are the one sinning. Yet, He loves us and bore for us. So, that we are not judged and we are clean when we believe in Him. And the relationship is rebuilt. That's true love. (For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.-John 3:16)

No matter how disgusting, dirty, sinful, useless we are, He will always welcomes us with opened arms. Just like a loving father and a rebellious son. No matter how many times the son did wrong, when he apologise to the father, the father will surely forgive him and accept him. Sometimes the father has to do his own responsibility as a father to punish his son la~ But afterwards, they are together again. (The Parable of The Lost Son-Luke 15:11-32)

This generation of youth is attacked by the spirit of orphan. Huh? What is that? A fatherless generation. A person will seek for love if he/she lack of love. If you give attention on those people
who involve in relationships crazily, which means can change his/her girl friend/boy friend frequently in a short period of time, you will realise that they have serious family problem. Ya, I know some of you would say, "My family no problem what, my dad, my mum, my brothers, my sisters, living together, no divorce." But lack of communication or always quarrel, this can be classified as family problem too. A guy often seeks for girl friend because he is lack of mother's love; in the other way, a girl often seeks for boy friend because she is lack of father's love. Love starts from God above, and then family.
I remember what Pastor Jay said. He said, if he marry and has a daughter, he will make his daughter sit on his leg. He will kiss her and tell her that she is beautiful. Everyday, he will do the same thing. And when she grow up, if guys tell her that she is beautiful in order to chase her, this is what she will answer: "Ya, I know~ My father tell me so everyday." Therefore, family's love acts an important role.

Most of the teenagers today involved in relationship just want to have the feel to be loved. They enjoy being loved from physical, means they love to be praised, to be touched. Some even involve in relationship because they don't want to be outdated? Shut up! This is damn stupid. Relationship is not for us to play with, to fool around. At the beginning of the world, God created the world, and He put, not a man and a man, not a woman and a woman, but a man and a woman together. (For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.-Genesis 2:24-25) Like what I always say, if you are not planning to marry, don't you ever involve in relationship. Relationship is made for marriage, and marriage is made holy and heavenly.
And I heard before statements like this, "I don't care whether I have it forever, what I care is I had it before.", "If you love me, give me, have sex with me to show me that you love me." Girls~ Listen to me. An advice for you. If any guy or your boy friend said that, you can just dumped them and stay away from them. This is an arrogant and senseless act!

Must READ:
Guys are easily aroused by their eyes and girls are easily aroused by their ears. So, guys should be careful of what they see. And girls, wear 'more', not 'less'. Girl should be careful of what they hear. And guys, think before you say!
Advice for those who are in relationship. People will treat others as they want them to treat them back the same. So, you will realise that guys will go to gym in order make themselves fit and muscular to attract girls; girls will always text message to guys in order to express their love draw her boy friend's attention. So, ... should know what I mean ba~ Haha... Guys, you should text more message to your girl friend and praise them. (girls: yeah!) And girls, go to gym! Work out! Keep fit! (guys: ow yes!) xD

This is the truth of love. Love is not about having, but giving. Love is not selfish, but selfless. True love is sacrifice. The definition of love is Jesus Christ. He has the perfect love. Therefore, you have to know Him in order to know love.




Phew~ Finally~ Too many to write. I don't know whether will have part 4 or not. Anyway, hope this helps. God bless. With love. ^^

Relationship (BGR) pt. 2

Stop mentioning others, I will talk about myself. I will keep no secret for myself. I don't care how are you going to think of me, I will just be transparent in front of everyone. First of all, I need to mention, even I'm a christian, I'm still human, not perfect, not holy, like you all. The only difference is, I'm rescued by The Grace.

How many times do I fall in love? I don't think I can count the frequency. Almost every girl which I know. No matter she's younger or elder than me, even teachers, I could fall in love easily. I just can't control myself.

Many people should know that christians are not allow to have relationship before 18, shouldn't be 'not allow', is 'not encourage', because not mature enough to handle the relationship yet. So, back to the topic, Do I ever involve in a relationship before? The truth is: Ya, I did in a relationship before. Not 'a', should be 2. Erm, 3? It's complicated.

And recently, I still in love with a girl. She's beautiful and cute indeed. She's caring, tender and amiable. Can't describe how good is she. As you know, I in love, sees no weaknesses. Well, we had been together for about a month. And she's the first girl I kissed.

"OH NO! You're sinning!" Shut up~ I know that I'm wrong. That's why I have to face the consequences today for my rush and senseless doings. I had stopped the relationship when I realise that it's not right. We promised each other to wait, because true love waits, but... she already has another one. At first, I was totally breakdown mentally and physically. All my hope is gone. I cried for days. Then I started to make myself busy in order to make myself forget her.

As usual, I failed to do so. When I rest, she still appear in my mind. Thank God that He healed me. If not, I can't imagine my following days, a living dead man~ =.=

Stubborn huh? I will never learn a lesson, not until I hit myself on a wall and bleed, not until I hurt myself. Only then I will regret for my actions, come back to God with tears and wound all over my body. Thank God that He has so much patient on me. He always welcomes me with opened arms.

I know God has His own great plan for me, and the plan will bring maximum glory to Himself and also maximum benefits to me either on earth or heaven. Let His will be done. Love Him~

(To Be Continue)

Relationship (BGR) pt. 1

Here I am to discuss a very complicated topic: relationship. As you can see from the video above, the relationship I will talk about today is not relationship between family or friends, is the relationship between boy and girl. I will never understand what the world is thinking about this relationship. This topic always makes a hot topic among the youth.

Why do I say so? For example, there are lots of tests about relationship whether in magazine or internet, "Who will be your future partner?", "Who is missing you now?", "How deeply in love are you?", "How attractive are you?". Surely these tests will draw a lot of attention from teenagers. Don't tell me you never did it before, cause me too. There were also things like, different style of kissing or hugging? Kiss on lips, neck, ears, forehead, and so on hug from front or back, shows different meaning and personality. How guys/girls want girls/guys to treat them? Kiss her when she's angry? Girls love kissing in rain? Don't talk too much with another guy in front of him? Tall guys more secure? and bla bla bla...
Media is teaching us the techniques? It doesn't seem to be working out everytime~

And, youngsters always like to gether together to chat about...... Got'cha! You should know what am I mentioning. Most of the time, the group is formed by a gang of best friends and is according to their sex. What they will talk about is, who they like, how they think about that guy or girl and so on. They will also show each other their sms in the phone. Or, they will play truth or dare as an excuse. They will behave like they don't feel like telling the truth, but actually they enjoy. At first, the listeners will promise to keep it as secret, but it won't keep long. Yet, sometimes this helps, because some couples begin because of this.

There are lots more actions which show the interest on this subject. How about for those who are in love? Or in a relationship? It was like heaven on earth everyday. Haha... I think everyone should understands the feeling, even kids also gone through that. Everyday, miss him/her, think of the time when they spent together, hold hands, hug, kiss, sms or telephone almost up to 5 hours, and yet don't want to hang up the phone ("Bye~" "..." "Why don't want to hang up the phone?" "You hang up first~" =.= duh~). When hanging out, wear shirt with the same colour, take a lot of picture, and the most famous place that couple always go: cinema. Reason: because it's dark inside the cinema... Know what I'm saying? Wish that the time stops at the moment forever.
They spend all their money, time and strength for the relationship, in order to get closer to each other, physically and mentally. They won't mind how much they had sacrificed. One day, if they calculate the amount of money they spent just only in relationship, the digits for sure are frightening.

"I don't think we mean to be together." The most common excuse for break up.
So, how about breaking up? How to describe the feeling? Pictures in black and white. Full of sadness, missing, anger and mind full of questions. Don't feel like living in this world anymore, hate themselves, feel that they're stupid. Cried for days, weeks, even months, can't let go, can't face the reality, wish that they were dreaming. No mood to do anything. Unfortunately, some will commit suicide.
Or, some will try to make themselves busy, in order to forget the relationship. They will eat a lot, go anywhere they want, hang out with friends and talk a lot, do the things that they never done it before. They were trying to run away from reality.

Too many things to write. I don't think I can finish them all by myself. Somemore, different people have different views. If don't mind, please leave your opinion at comment. I will appreciate it. Thank you. God bless~ ^^

(To be Continue)

Moving Forward

I'm too innocent, too naive. I never know how cruel is this world, not until I hurt myself.

I always put a lot of hope, trust and expectation in everything I do and also every person beside me. I thought they will help me out just because we are friends. NO! They are doing for their own benefits. After they got what they want, they will just dumped you aside. Senseless I still trust them and hope that they could change. It's insulting. No true love and no true friendship in this world. Human beings are full of themselves and self-important.

They will always right and I'm always wrong. I never judge them, because sometimes I will be like that. I confess, no perfect man in this world, including me. But, I felt stupid of my deeds. No matter how I was abused, I still take it as nothing, cover it. Fake! I'm destroying myself! Human won't appreciate for the things you done for them, including me. This world is damn heartless, including me.

That's why I hate the past. I hate their doings, how they treated me. I hate this world. I hate myself!

There's no more past for me, NO MORE~! (Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.-Isaiah 43:18) The devil thought he can stop me like that. No, he is wrong, totally wrong. Even I left just a little faith in my heart, still I will stand up no matter how I fall. I will let them regret of their action of exploiting on me. I will stand strong and stay bold until my last breath. (Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.-Joshua 1:9) Not by myself, but holyspirit. No one knows what will happen tommorrow. No one knows what they will face in the future. The future is like a darkness, terrifying, not knowing what we'll get. The only difference I have is, I have the promise, that is He will always be by my side, in the darkness. I will hold on to the promise. He will never left me alone. (And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.-Matthew 28:20)

I live by faith and love. His love and grace is my strength. I will look at no one. I will pay attention at no one. I will care of no one. I will look forward. I will move forward. I'm not turning back. (But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 3: 13-14)

I was born, not for this world, but for devine purpose.
I won't give up~! Cause I have the true love~! Yes, I do~!